


To Heal Nightmares

by Storyteller_of_the_Forest



Series: When the Dust Settles [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, I don't do downbeat endings, It's really just conversations, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Some violence but it's not graphic, Sort of a fix-it, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14665767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest
Summary: Loki and Thor have their hands full rebuilding New Asgard. Things are going well, but Thor is still experiencing nightmares and flashbacks of the last battle in Wakanda. Loki is at a loss about how to help his brother, especially with Thor being his stubborn selfless self. The brothers eventually have a conversation about nightmares, fear, and learning to live with both.





	To Heal Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my first fic, "No Place to Hide," so I would recommend reading that one first because there are references to events from that story in this one. And the same warnings apply (haven't seen "Infinity War" and I have no interest in seeing it. I don't do romantic ships, especially not between family members. If you're looking for that kind of thing, go elsewhere please).
> 
> This was another idea that sprang into my mind and wouldn't let me go. I was thinking about what life will be like for Thor and Loki after Thanos' defeat, in particular how that fight would affect Thor.
> 
> Also, in my mind, after the battle with Thanos, Thor left the Avengers to take care of his people. The original Avengers disbanded and there's a mostly new group of superheroes taking up the mantel. I feel like the original team earned a retirement after defeating Thanos.
> 
> Again, I'm very, VERY new to writing fics. So I apologize for any mistakes, mis-characterizations, formatting errors, or just any glaring errors. Please be gentle.
> 
> Kudos and reviews are greatly appreciated. Oh! I don't own anything, obviously (all characters and recognizable aspects belong to Marvel).
> 
> That's about it. I hope all of you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

* * *

 

_Every time the fighting seemed to be coming to an end, the titan found another reservoir of strength and even more forces to throw at them. Thor knew they couldn’t keep this up. They were going to lose and all the carnage would go unanswered. In one last act of desperation, hoping to at least avenge his brother, Thor had again thrown himself at the titan with a yell, wielding Stormbreaker._

_Thanos plucked him out of the air, fist closed around his throat. The titan yanked a weapon free from a nearby body, thrusting it deep into his gut. Thor couldn’t prevent the gasp that escaped him. He felt pain, excruciating pain, but also…a sense of relief. Thor was just so tired. Part of him desperately wanted to continue fighting: for his friends, this planet, all the innocent people who called it home. But half of them were now only dust. Thor didn’t see how they could possibly undo the titan’s slaughter, how any of this could be fixed. They had already lost. So many had fallen…including the only family he had left, his brother. Probably. “Loki, I’m sorry. I tried,” he thought, coughing up blood as he glared defiantly at the titan._

_“I promised the little trickster if he failed me, he would suffer,” Thanos mentioned, a cruel grin spreading across his hideous face. He violently threw Thor to the ground, punching him with the gauntlet. Thor could feel his bones being crushed and vital organs being damaged beyond repair. An unnatural numbness settled over his body and Thor could feel his consciousness begin to ebb._

_“If he still lives, finding your broken body will be an appropriate punishment,” was the last thing Thor heard before consciousness fled him._

_Thor didn’t know how long he laid unconscious, he hadn’t expected to wake again, but he did. And the first thing he saw was Loki’s wide frightened eyes. Coming to consciousness was a slow process and at first, he thought he was in Valhalla. Then the pain hit him and Thor realized he could barely move. He could only faintly feel the pleasant coolness of Loki’s seidr as his brother made a futile attempt to help him._

_When he realized he was, in fact, alive, and Loki was here with him, Thor felt his heart break. The titan had found a final way to torture his brother. His brave brother who had returned again, had fought alongside him again. And now…now Thor was going to leave him alone. He wouldn’t be able to protect him anymore. Who would protect Loki when he was gone? His brother was strong, he had no doubt, but even the strongest were vulnerable when grieving. He shouldn’t be alone. Nobody should grieve alone. Thor knew that better than most._

_“Thor, Thor! Stay with me. Please stay with me!”_

_“I want to, brother,” Thor thought sadly._

“Thor?”

Thor jerked awake, panting, his hands grasping at a familiar pair of arms. He was shaking and sweating. His heart felt like it was about to explode out of his chest with how hard it was beating.

“They’re all dead. Everyone. Everyone’s dead. We lost,” Thor muttered, not entirely awake. “I should have aimed for his head. My people, my friends, my…my brother. I have failed them all.”

Loki allowed his brother to cling to his arms, swallowing as he considered what to say. Tears were welling in Thor’s eye and he sounded so broken. Seeing him in such a state was hard and the trickster felt for his older brother. Loki had plenty of experience with nightmares and knew intimately what it was like to have images of the past haunt his sleep. He knew what it was like to wake in a blind panic.

“Thor? Thor, look at me,” Loki ordered firmly. Thor’s eye was fixed on the sheets of the bed, his hands still wrapped tightly around Loki’s lower arms. Slowly, very slowly, Thor’s haunted blue eye traveled up to meet Loki’s green eyes. The trickster had turned on a couple lamps in the room they shared when he heard his brother muttering and thrashing in his sleep. It had been a few weeks since Thor’s miraculous return and Loki had obtained another bed, which he moved into the bedroom in their small house.

“You are safe, brother. We’re in New Asgard,” Loki said gently, willing his brother to hear him. “The images in your dreams cannot hurt you. They are just bad memories.”

In the past few nights, Thor had started experiencing intense nightmares, often waking up in a state of panic. Loki had a pretty good idea about the images that haunted Thor’s dreams, but he wasn’t sure what to do to help him. His own coping techniques were questionable at best and he couldn’t see Thor being keen on lying, manipulating, and scheming.

“Loki, they’re all dead,” Thor whispered brokenly, still shaking. He let go of Loki’s arms and folded his arms against his chest, curling in on himself.

Loki shook his head. “No, brother, everyone’s okay. You and your Avenger allies defeated the mad titan and his followers. They were able to undo most of the damage he did.”

Thor swallowed and reached out, laying a trembling hand on Loki’s chest. After a moment, Loki wrapped his hand over his brother’s.

“Yes, I’m here too. Alive and well,” Loki reassured him, a small smile quirking up the corners of his lips. “For better or worse.”

Thor looked back to his face. He reached out and wrapped his arms around his brother, burying his face in Loki’s shoulder. “He took you away. You were gone. Again. I didn’t…I didn’t know if you would come back.”

Loki slowly, hesitantly, wrapped his own arms around his brother. “I know. I’m sorry. But Thanos is dead, Thor. He won’t harm anyone ever again. And I promised you that I wouldn’t leave. I know I’ve broken my word plenty of times and you cannot trust me, but for what it’s worth, I plan to hold to that promise.”

Thor nodded. “I’m sorry I left you, Loki. I wanted to come back sooner, but I had to heal and recover my strength.”

“Returning from death is no easy feat,” Loki replied with a small smile, before sobering again. “It’s okay. You’re back now.”

“I tried to reach out to you, in dreams,” Thor admitted, swallowing, breathing in Loki’s scent. “I fear I don’t have the same talents as you, Mother, and Heimdell though.”

Thor frowned when his brother didn’t respond right away and pulled back a little, studying Loki’s typically unreadable visage. There was a look of curiosity and contemplation dancing across his features.

“When?” Loki asked. “When did you try to reach out?”

Thor shrugged. “Maybe a year or so before I returned. Why?”

Loki licked his lips and his brow furrowed. “It’s very odd, but…around that time, there was one day when Brunhilde and Ayo were visiting. I was having one of my more difficult days, when I was unable to fulfill my leadership duties, so she and Korg filled in for me. I mostly spent the day sleeping—”

“On the couch,” Thor finished, his own eyes widening. Loki stared at him for a moment, stunned, before nodding.

“It’s ridiculous, but I swear I felt someone with me briefly. It was…comforting,” he finished, sitting back a little with a small mischievous grin. “My, my, my, brother, you are full of surprises.”

Thor smiled faintly as he slumped back against the headboard, running his shaking hands over his face again. He knew he needed sleep, but he feared going back to the land of dreams. The most disturbing thing to Thor was that he wasn’t sure why this was happening. He had been in plenty of battles before, many of them had far more gruesome and unhappy outcomes. Almost everyone had emerged more or less unscathed from this war, so why couldn’t he get the images and memories out of his mind? Why couldn’t things just be normal again?

Realizing that Loki hadn’t yet left his side, Thor glanced over at him. Loki was still sitting on the edge of Thor’s bed, studying his features with a quizzical expression.

“Thor, are you sure you’re all right?” he finally asked. Unable to answer, Thor just nodded and reached over to the lamp on the table beside him, switching it off before scooting back under the covers and turning onto his side, closing his eyes. Loki was quiet for a beat, just watching him.

“I’m only a few feet away if you have need of me,” he finally said gently before rising to his feet and moving the short distance to his own bed. Thor swallowed as he listened to his brother climb quietly into his bed, drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

How Thor envied him.

_*_

The next night was the worst Thor had experienced in some time. It had been a long day, though not a particularly difficult one. Loki and he had gotten a lot accomplished, which pleased him. He was even able to practice with Stormbreaker a little in the late afternoon, enjoying the pleasant weather. That evening, they had a quiet dinner and then Thor went for a walk while Loki stayed in with tea and a book.

As he walked through New Asgard, smiling and greeting the few Asgardians he passed by, Thor found himself at the statue of Heimdell, a memorial that Loki had commissioned in Thor’s absence. It was a beautiful work, located near the front of the town, watching over New Asgard and all who called her home. Plenty of the surviving Asgardians left fresh flowers at the base of the statue, a gesture of gratitude for the man who had sacrificed everything to protect them.

Thor swallowed as he felt his hands begin to shake. The horrible images of Heimdell’s last moments started worming their way into his mind. Thor closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to remember all the good times with the gatekeeper. But he just couldn’t recall anything other than that horrible moment on the ship when Thanos had murdered his dear friend, a man who had been a constant throughout Thor’s life. Someone who he had always viewed as part of his family. Thor had gotten him killed. And then, what Thanos did to his brother…

 _They’re all dead. All of them. You’re alone. You failed all of them._ The fear became an echoing hum in his mind and soon memories of that last battle in Wakanda invaded his thoughts. The feeling of utter hopelessness, all the death, Thanos driving a sharp blade through his gut. Thanos crushing the life out of his brother. Thor quickly turned from the statue and started hurrying for home. His pace gradually increased until he was sprinting. By the time he reached his house, Thor was sweating and felt mildly sick. He threw open the door, terrified of what he might find. Or not find.

Loki, who was still sitting at the table, glanced up from his book and frowned. The sense of relief was overwhelming and Thor’s legs almost buckled as he moved away from the door.

“I’m going to take a shower and then going to bed,” he managed to pant out as he pulled off his shoes. In the distance, there was a soft rumble of thunder, but he didn’t notice it.

“Thor—?”

“I’m fine, Loki,” Thor interrupted, answering the question he assumed his brother had been about to ask. He could feel Loki watching him as he moved through the main area to the small hall that led to the bathroom. Taking a hot shower helped ease some of the tension out of his body and he did feel a little better afterwards.

By the time he stepped out of the shower and changed his clothes, Thor already felt half-asleep. He managed to stumble into the room he shared with his brother and climbed into his bed. As was his habit, he left the door open. Whenever Thor went to sleep before Loki, he always left the door open. The thought of not being able to hear his younger brother, his infuriatingly quiet younger brother, was a terrifying one. Thor lay silently, holding his breath and listening for any sound. Just when he was starting to fear he had imagined Loki being alive, Thor heard the kettle whistle and his brother moving around the kitchen. He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

Closing his eyes, Thor tried to clear his mind and hoped he wouldn’t dream. He no longer prayed for good dreams. The god of thunder knew the best he could hope for was a dreamless sleep. The world began to fade away.

“Lord of Thunder,” he heard a familiar chilling voice right before a hand wrapped around his throat, holding him in place as the familiar gruesome pop of bone breaking filled the silence of the dark room.

_*_

Loki often spent his nights reading. He went to bed at a reasonable hour, knowing the value of sleep. It was easier, now that his older brother had returned. The trickster didn’t experience as many unpleasant dreams as he used to. Thor didn’t have a regular sleeping pattern, not anymore, which was strange as his older brother used to be able to sleep anywhere at any time. At first, Loki had thought it was due to the time difference between Wakanda and New Asgard. But as the days turned into weeks, the trickster began to suspect something else was causing his brother’s peculiar sleeping habits.

The nightmares were beginning to concern him. Thor wouldn’t go into great detail and Loki made a mental note to contact Shuri or T’Challa. Perhaps they would have some insight about what troubled his brother, beyond the obvious. Thor was still able to uphold his responsibilities, but Loki was worried that if he continued on the way he was, that wouldn’t be the case for much longer. Thor hadn’t told him much of his recovery and even less about what had happened during the battle before Loki’s arrival. What information the trickster had, came from the Wakandans and Brunhilde. He knew his brother’s recovery had not been easy and was a battle all on its own. _He was probably too exhausted to even have nightmares while he was healing,_ Loki thought as he turned another page in his book and finished the last of his pleasant-tasting tea. He set the mug aside and closed his book, intending to call it a night.

A loud scream from the bedroom had Loki on his feet and running for the open door where he froze at the sight that greeted him. Though the room was cloaked in shadows, he could see Thor thrashing on the bed, fighting against some unseen enemy. Lightning was sparking at his fingertips and Loki could feel the static in the air. Swallowing his unease, Loki hurried to his brother’s side, shaking him as hard as he could.

“Thor? Thor!” he shouted, wincing when he received an unpleasant shock. Thor’s eyes snapped open and fixed on Loki, but the trickster wasn’t sure if his brother was entirely awake or if he actually saw Loki.

“My…my legs,” Thor breathed, panic clear in his voice.

“What? What’s wrong with your legs, Thor?”

“He broke my back. I cannot feel my legs! I have to fight! I have to save them! They’re going to die if I don’t help them!”

“Thor! You’re dreaming. Your legs are fine. Everything is fine. There’s no battle, brother, no enemy to defeat. It’s just me here with you.”

“They don’t work!” Thor argued stubbornly, tears flowing down his face.

“Yes they do! You’re—”

“They won’t move! I can’t feel them!”

Loki bit the inside of his cheek, manifesting a dagger in his left hand. “This isn’t going to be pleasant, brother.”

Without another word, Loki threw the blanket off his brother, latched onto his leg, and stabbed the dagger deep into Thor’s foot. He was rewarded with a shout of pain and narrowly avoided getting kicked in the head with Thor’s other foot.

“Seven hells, Loki!” Thor yelled, sitting bolt upright and grabbing the foot Loki stabbed. “Did you just stab me!?”

Loki straightened up again, slipping his dagger back into its hidden pocket of reality. “Peace, brother. You were having another nightmare and I assumed you would prefer to be woken up. You were convinced you couldn’t feel your legs, so I proved that you could.”

Thor shot him a look that was anything but grateful. Shifting closer to his brother, holding up his hand to show he had no weapons on him, Loki examined his brother’s wounded foot. “And I would have thought you’d be used to being stabbed by now.”

Thor watched him warily as Loki used his seidr to repair the little damage he had done. Loki was silent as he considered his next words. Once he was finished, the trickster leaned back a little, his posture the very portrait of relaxed.

“Thor, I think you should contact one of your old teammates about these memories that haunt your sleep,” Loki suggested. “I would recommend Banner. He has some experience listening to people who have had similar experiences.”

“I am fine,” Thor replied with a yawn. He offered Loki a small shaky smile that frustrated the younger Odinson and Loki had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from yelling at his brother. _You are not fine, you oaf,_ he wanted to yell.

“Your nightmares are getting worse. You haven’t had a good night’s rest for some time and you’re starting to have trouble focusing on tasks as a result. Just today, I had to remind you four separate times that Brunhilde is leaving to visit Wakanda next week,” Loki said, doing his best to remove the usual sharpness from his tone. “Please, brother, I only wish to help you.”

“You help me enough, Loki. Just by being here,” Thor said, rubbing the back of his neck. Loki studied him for a moment, debating about confiding something to the older god. _Gods, I’m getting sentimental,_ he thought bitterly as he dropped his face into his hand.

“I spoke to Banner, before you came back,” Loki confessed quietly, feeling a curdling in his stomach. He hated revealing weakness, but the trickster also enjoyed a good night’s sleep. And he would prefer not to be woken up in the middle night by a bolt of lightning or the house in flames. Glancing over at Thor, Loki saw he was staring at him curiously and the trickster sighed, leaning back on his elbows.

“That first year, I had difficulty coming to terms with your death and…it was interfering with my ability to take care of New Asgard and the people who called her home,” he continued, lazily curling green light around his fingers. “Some days, getting out of bed was difficult. My sleep was just endless repeating nightmares of your last moments, Thanos killing you, Thanos torturing me. Brunhilde got tired of finding me in such a state, so she demanded I speak with Banner. Well…she called him and shoved the phone at me, then threatened to dismember me if I hung up. I most certainly did _not_ want to speak to the beast nor the man hiding him, but I valued my limbs. It turned out to be one of my better decisions.”

Thor was quiet for a moment, staring at him. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

Loki let out a breathy laugh, flicking out the magic around his fingers. “Fair, I deserve that and perhaps sleep deprivation is loosening my tongue. But the point is, speaking with him did help. Not right away, it took some time, but it did help.”

“And you just talked?”

Loki shrugged, nonchalant. “Mostly. He also had some useless suggestions. He did have a suggestion that I had already planned on doing, which did prove helpful.”

“Oh?” Thor smiled, enjoying their quiet conversation. Speaking with Loki reminded him that his brother was alive and well, reminded him that he wasn’t alone. “What was that?”

Loki froze as if realizing he revealed something that he hadn’t meant to. “Nothing, brother. Just some silly little thing to keep me occupied in whatever little spare time I had.”

“Was it another play? A sequel to the first?” Thor teased, though now he was more curious than ever. Loki rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Gods, I regret bringing this up,” the trickster muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Since I know you won’t let this go, I’ll tell you. But don’t read into it at all, Thor. I am too tired to deal with sentiment.”

“You have my word,” Thor promised.

Loki pressed his lips in a thin straight line. “I was working on a tome of your deeds and adventures, for the New Asgardian library, as a way to remember you.”

At his brother’s silence, Loki glanced over at him, noticing the fondness in the god of thunder’s eyes and struggled not to roll his eyes again. Thor was quiet for a long while, just watching his younger brother with a small smile.

“May I see it?” he finally asked.

“Gods, Thor,” Loki grumbled, sitting up.

“Please, Loki.”

“Go back to sleep. We’ll speak in the morning and you’ll once again ignore my brilliant advice about talking to—”

“If you show me the tome, I’ll call Banner first thing tomorrow,” Thor offered and Loki paused, regarding him suspiciously with a raised eyebrow.

“You will?”

“Well, I’ll check the time difference and call him at a reasonable hour,” Thor amended. “If it’s during a time when we’re busy, I’ll excuse myself and Brunhilde or Korg can fill in for me.”

Loki stared at him, not believing his ears. His brother was actually listening to him, to his advice. With a huff of irritation, Loki stood up and moved out of the room to the main area of the house. First, he shut off the few lights that were still on, dragging his feet to avoid retrieving the journal. Maybe Thor would fall asleep again, though Loki wasn’t sure that was preferable. He hated showing work and plans that hadn’t yet been completed. It was so sloppy and unrefined, but of course his older brother would want to see it. _Sentimental fool,_ Loki thought with a shake of his head.

Finally, Loki moved over to the shelf where he kept most of his works in progress. His fingers danced over the tome he was writing about Frigga and another about the general history of Asgard, including all the bits Odin tried to cover up and forget. He found the journal he was looking for and pulled it down from its place. Hesitating for a moment, Loki tucked it under his arm and made his way back to the bedroom, where Thor was still sitting in bed.

“At the moment, it is just a journal of stories that your friends told me when they visited. The first part was from what the Guardians of the Galaxy told me before they left Wakanda. I sketched a few things, in case I decided to include illustrations in the tome,” he explained as he handed the journal to Thor.

“You met the Guardians?” Thor asked. _Did they all survive?_

“I did, very briefly. They made it through the battle of Wakanda in one piece. Barely and not without some difficulty, but all still live,” Loki replied, easily reading the concern in his brother’s expression. “Brunhilde tells me Ladies Gamora and Nebula had a rather joyful reunion, or as joyful as Nebula was capable of being. Gamora was able to convince her rather reluctant sister to remain with the guardians.”

Thor smiled. “That is good to hear. They deserved such a victory.”

Loki nodded once. “I did feel a small inkling of sympathy for Mantis. We met when I was still in the midst of grieving and I fear that was unpleasant for an empath.”

“I do not think it could be more unpleasant than feeling what the titan was feeling,” Thor pointed out and Loki tilted his head in a way that indicated agreement.

The god of thunder eagerly flipped through the journal, studying the numerous pages with a faint hint of a smile. He paused at a certain page, smile dropping, and looked up at Loki, his expression reflecting exasperation. Loki raised an eyebrow in question and Thor showed him the page he was looking at.

“Really?” Thor asked as Loki snickered. “You were going to include a drawing of a Taser?”

“Yes,” Loki answered simply. “Darcy Lewis’ stories were among my favorites. We spoke at length and had even entertained the idea of co-writing a play about your first trip to Midgard. We might still, if she’s amenable and I can find the time.”

Thor rolled his eye, flipping to one of the last empty pages. “There’s the brother I remember. Do you have a pen?”

Loki looked over at him suspiciously. “Why?”

“You have forgotten something and I fear you will forget to include it if I don’t make a note,” Thor explained patiently. Loki squinted at him but manifested a pen, handing it to him. Thor smiled in gratitude and scribbled down a short note before handing both the journal and pen back to Loki.

Loki took them both, tucking the pen away and glancing at the journal, his eyebrows rising a little at the note.

“There was no Thor without Loki,” he read, glancing over at Thor, who was sitting back with the backs of his hands over his eyes.

“You’ll be able to write it more eloquently, undoubtedly. But it’s important that it’s included,” Thor spoke around a yawn. Loki swallowed and closed the journal, laying it on the bedside table.

The trickster glanced up to the windows when he heard another rumble of thunder as rain started to patter on the glass. A smile played across his lips as he looked back to Thor.

“Thor, come with me,” Loki urged, drawing Thor’s attention back to him. The god of thunder frowned and dropped his hands, staring at his brother.

“What? Where?” he asked as he got to his feet. His legs still felt somewhat wobbly, but he was able to follow after his brother.

“Listen,” Loki said, his grin widening when there was another rumble of thunder. Thor still seemed a little confused. “You always enjoyed a good storm. It always made you feel better.”

As they moved into the main area of the house, Loki turned back to his brother, gently gripping the back of his neck and pressing their foreheads together. “Brother, you vanquished my nightmare at great cost to yourself. I may not be able to repay the favor, but at least let me help alleviate yours for the time being.”

Thor smiled a little and nodded once, following his brother out into the storm.

_*_

Later that night, the two laid side-by-side in Thor’s bed, hands behind their heads. They listened to the passing storm. They had stood out in it for ages, just enjoying the rain and each other’s company. Thor had been moderately surprised that Loki ventured out with him, knowing that his younger brother had never been as fond of storms as he was. Loki didn’t particularly enjoy getting wet, but surprisingly, he hadn’t voiced any complaint. He just stood with his brother, a small smile playing across his lips, and then followed Thor back inside when the storm started to let up.

Loki had been right: Thor felt slightly better after standing in the storm for a while. He lost track of time, but the rain was grounding. It reminded him that he was in the present and Thanos’ evil had passed. The titan would never threaten Earth or any other world ever again. Somehow, against all odds, both he and Loki had survived.

“I’m sorry,” Thor spoke softly, his voice shaking a little. Loki frowned and glanced over at his brother, waiting for Thor to continue.

“I’m sorry that Thanos used me to torment you further,” Thor finished, blinking back the tears that welled up in his eye. Loki sighed and shook his head.

“Thor, that wasn’t your fault. You already have enough on your shoulders and no one is to blame for Thanos’ actions, least of all you,” the trickster replied, turning his eyes back to the ceiling.

“I do not understand why I cannot move past this war,” Thor confessed. “I have fought many battles before, not all of which had as favorable outcomes. Why is this one different?”

Loki turned his face to the side, meeting his brother’s gaze. “I asked myself the same thing for a time. I came to the conclusion that it’s because it’s not just the battle, it’s everything that happened before and after it. Thor, we watched the utter annihilation of our home. For you, it was right after you found out that everything you thought you knew about Odin and your birthright was built on a lie. Then, when you thought you were safe, Thanos struck, slaughtered half of your people, including the only remaining family you had left—”

“When you faked your death for the third time?”

“Second,” Loki corrected. “You thought you were going to die twice in rapid succession. The battle went poorly for a time, you watched even more friends fall, and then you yourself died, in an excruciating way. It’s really no wonder you’re still experiencing fear and unease.”

Thor swallowed and turned his gaze back to the ceiling, closing his eye and allowing the fading sounds of the storm to calm him. His eye snapped open again when a shudder traveled down his spine. Turning his head back to Loki, he studied his brother’s peaceful countenance in the soft lighting of the moon. Loki’s eyes were closed, but his breathing pattern suggested he was still awake.

“I’m holding you to your word,” Loki mumbled. “You’re calling Banner tomorrow and talking to him about these feelings and dreams.”

Thor smiled. “Of course, brother. I promised you that I would do so.”

“If you don’t, I’ll stab you.”

Thor laughed softly. “I would expect no less.”

Loki made a noncommittal sound in response, indicating he was satisfied with Thor’s answer. The smile faded from Thor’s face as he watched Loki in the darkness.

“Do you still have nightmares, brother?”

Loki nodded, not opening his eyes. “I do, but not as frequently as I once did. Sometimes I’m still afraid too, but it’s a passing feeling and does not linger as much as it used to. I’ve become rather used to it.”

Thor looked at his own hand, allowing lightning to dance between his fingers. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Loki open his eyes, watching the electric light crackle and pop.

“It seems like every time I close my eyes, I risk going back to that time and feeling that hopelessness. I see almost everyone I love crumble to dust, I feel Thanos defeat me, and I can do nothing to stop it. I’m powerless…and alone.”

Loki turned on his side. “But you are not alone and you were never powerless. We all fail sometimes, but the two of us? We got back up and kept fighting, even when the odds were against us, even when it was completely foolish to do so. You defeated the titan in the end and you saved this planet. We survived, Thor.”

Thor let out a breath slowly, dropping his hand. “I still fear waking up and finding it all a dream. Finding that I really did lose you and it was all for naught.”

Loki reached out in the darkness, finding his brother’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

The trickster turned onto his back, closing his eyes again. Thor was quiet for a long while before turning onto his side and draping an arm around his brother, watching his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm.

“Does it ever get better, Loki?”

Loki paused, as though considering his answer. He opened his eyes and turned his face to his brother, shrugging a little.

“Better? I do not know. It never goes away, not entirely. But it does get easier, Thor. It may not seem like it, but it _does_ get easier.”

Thor swallowed and nodded, closing his eyes and holding his brother tight. That reassurance was enough for now. A small smile danced across his lips.

“Three times,” he whispered.

“Two and a half,” was the stubborn response, but Thor could hear the hint of a smile in his brother’s words.

 

 

**_The End_ **


End file.
